San Francisco Domestic Violence Lawyers

“One thing you quickly learn as a domestic violence lawyer in San Francisco is that domestic violence comes in many different forms,” Caitlin Ashton, a skilled San Francisco domestic violence attorney and Partner at Laughlin Legal continues, “There are so many different types of abuse and a lot of people are being abused without realizing it because they’re not being physically hit. Domestic battery is just one of many kinds of domestic violence.” 

Here’s how the National Domestic Violence Hotline defines various forms of domestic violence. 

Emotional or verbal abuse includes non-physical behaviors that are meant to control, isolate, or frighten you. This may present in romantic relationships as threats, insults, constant monitoring, excessive jealousy, manipulation, humiliation, intimidation, and dismissiveness, among others. Sometimes emotional abuse is more obvious, like a partner yelling at you or calling you names.

Sexual abuse is when a partner controls the physical and sexual intimacy in a relationship. This often involves acting in a way that is non-consensual and forced.

Sexual coercion lies on the continuum of sexually aggressive behavior. It can range from begging and persuasion to forced sexual contact. But even if your partner isn’t forcing you to perform sexual acts without your consent, making you feel obligated to do them is still sexual coercion.

Reproductive coercion is a form of power and control where one partner strips another of the ability to control their own reproductive system. It can be difficult to identify this form of coercion because it’s often less visible than other types of abuse occurring at the same time and may appear as pressure, guilt, or shame about having or wanting children (or not having or wanting them).

Financial or economic abuse occurs when an abusive partner extends their power and control into your financial situation. For example, preventing you from having access to bank accounts, or maxing out your credit cards without permission or not paying nil in your name, or stealing money from you or family or friends, or withdrawing money from children’s savings accounts without permission, or refusing to pro vide money for necessary shared expenses, or stopping you from working

Technological or digital abuse is the use of technology and the Internet to bully, harass, stalk, intimidate, or control a partner. This behavior is often a form of verbal or emotional abuse conducted online. 

Physical abuse or domestic battery involve the use of physical violence, or threats of it, to maintain power over an individual. Because of this, survivors are afraid and uncertain when more abuse will occur. This often reinforces the regular use of other, more subtle, types of abuse.

Disturbing the peace Anyone willfully and maliciously disturbing someone with loud and unreasonable noise. Anyone using offensive words in a public place that are inherently likely to provoke an immediate violent reaction.

Coercive control is a pattern of behavior that unreasonably interferes with a person’s free will and personal liberty. For example, isolating someone from friends, relatives, or other sources of support, depriving someone of basic necessities, controlling, regulating, or monitoring the other party’s movements, communications, daily behavior, finances, economic resources, or access to services, forcing or threatening to force someone to engage in conduct from which they have a right to abstain 

Stalking or harassment occurs when someone watches, follows, or harasses you repeatedly, making you feel afraid or unsafe, and may occur from someone you know, a past partner, or a stranger. This can include different types of abuse. 

Another thing Ashton learned is that when someone in trouble searches ‘domestic violence lawyer near me’, they often are located in Silicon Valley.

“Contrary to assumptions most people make about domestic violence, it occurs in households at every socioeconomic level. Silicon Valley, with one of one of the most expensive housing markets in the world, and some of the most successful people in the world, has a population that’s also marked by entrepreneurial, sometimes narcissistic individuals who are inclined to fly high and take great risks with a great deal of other people’s money. It’s a fraught situation in which to conduct a stable and healthy marital relationship,” concludes Ashton.

According to the New York Times, “a thin line separates the temperament of a promising entrepreneur from a person who could use, as they say in psychiatry, a little help. Academics and hiring consultants say that many successful entrepreneurs have qualities and quirks that, if poured into their psyches in greater ratios, would qualify as full-on mental illness.”

Psychiatrist Michael A. Freeman’s 2015 study of entrepreneurs found that “entrepreneurs were significantly more likely to report a lifetime history of depression (30%), ADHD (29%), substance-use conditions (12%), and bipolar diagnosis (11%) than were comparison participants,” according to the report’s authors.

So as a group, these are individuals engaged in risky, volatile ventures, who are more prone to certain lifelong mental illnesses. “Sadly, it’s a perfect storm for various forms of domestic violence,“ says Ashton.  

A domestic violence lawyer in San Francisco looks closely at the data.

“There’s no question that the number of domestic violence cases is on the rise,” reports Ashton. According to the San Jose Spotlight, the DA’s office in Santa Clara County “has pulled prosecutors from other teams to handle a 142% increase in family violence cases over the last five years, from 76 cases per prosecutor in 2019 to 184 per prosecutor in 2023.”

Ashton continues, “And one of the most concerning aspects of the data is that it’s estimated that only about half of all domestic violence incidents are reported. When you dig a little deeper, it’s easy to conclude that at least one of the reasons has to be that nearly half of all reported domestic violence incidents fail to lead to an arrest. Just imagine the consequences those victims have to face under those circumstances.” 

What forms of domestic violence does a San Francisco domestic violence attorney see most often?  

Caitlin Ashton, Partner at Laughlin Legal explains, “Very often it’s an obsessive form of domestic violence, like harassment or stalking. Often, the two parties were never married, they were dating, maybe they worked together, and he wouldn’t leave her alone. No matter how many times she asked him to stop calling her, waiting for her at her home, texting her, he wouldn’t. So the restraining order was necessary just to stop the contact and end the harassment.

“We also often see a slightly difference kind of harassment or verbal abuse, a constant pattern of disparaging remarks. Might be via text, ‘you’re a gold digger, you’re stupid, you’ll never amount to anything, you’re the worst mother.’ Put downs literally every day. And if they take that tone with their spouse, better believe they’ll do that with the children, too. Texts with that kind of content can foreshadow more dangerous behavior and very often lead to a restraining order. 

“Unfortunately, there’s still a lot of judging of these women that goes on, as in, maybe they are gold diggers? In my experience, many of these relationships began when the women were very young and at least a little naive. And as the husbands worked more and more hours and became more and more successful, the wives took a backseat, stayed home and raised the kids, and received the brunt of the abuse because the husbands are stressed out about their jobs or their deals that fall through and they take it out on their wife. And often their children, too.

“The more resources the successful spouses have at their disposal the greater the sense of ownership and control in their career. But so often, despite whatever success they’ve achieved, they’re never quite satisfied. They’re constantly chasing the next thing because it’s never enough. Never enough achievement, never enough status, and there’s always someone who achieved more or has more. 

“So in ambitious communities like San Francisco or Silicon Valley, you see a lot of changing of jobs, changing partners or living environments, trading up, as they try to ascend to that next rung on the ladder. And with few exceptions, they never reach it.

“Meanwhile, their wife and children? Not that important. In fact, they can be a detriment or added stressor to their life. They can get in the way of that elusive, fabulous life they’re after. Maybe the wife isn’t good at entertaining, or the kids don’t get into the right universities. And the successful spouse might interpret that as being the problem with why their career trajectory isn’t steeper. So they constantly verbally malign the wife and kids.

A domestic violence lawyer in San Francisco on when domestic violence becomes the worst family legacy.

“Verbal abuse is damaging enough in the moment, but it very often has a long shelf life, too. That kind of constant denigration becomes a voice you carry in your head, and it can be very challenging to shake. You think to yourself, ‘Maybe dad’s right?’ There’s so much research now indicating that family traumas can be intergenerational. It can take 3 generations to work the trauma out of the family. This is why it’s so important to nip it in the bud whenever possible and get that restraining order issued. Don’t forget that the San Francisco Sheriff’s Office serves restraining orders for free. And they run a survivor restoration program to help support the men, women and children who have been victimized.”

Ashton continues, “Verbal abuses certainly isn’t the only type of trauma that can be passed on. Physical and sexual abuse can also become intergenerational trauma. Research has found that of people who were physically or sexually abused when they were children, 75% of them will do the same to their spouse and/or children. Some mental health professionals believe that witnessing or experiencing what are known as adverse childhood experiences or ACE’s – suicide, physical abuse, neglect, substance abuse – can be more determinative of health as an adult than genetics.

“One final word for parents: remember that childhood is short!,” cautions Ashton. “I think we owe our children our best effort to preserve and protect their childhood for as long as possible. 

What’s the best thing about working as a domestic violence lawyer in San Francisco?

At last, Caitlin Ashton smiles, “It can be life changing. For all the stress that accompanies domestic violence cases, it is probably one of the most rewarding parts of the job because what ends of happening is the victim comes out of the process feeling like a brand new person, empowered, in control of their own bodily well-being as well as, ideally, their financial well-being. And there’s nothing like a mother’s love for a child but particularly in the context of protecting them from an abusive spouse or parent, there is no greater sacrifice that a parent can make for a child.” 

Did you search for ‘domestic violence lawyers near me’? Can we help you protect yourself and your children?

If you’re searching for a highly experienced domestic violence lawyers in San Francisco who dig in deep to successfully resolve legal disputes that are also human disputes, we hope you’ll give us a call. 

At Laughlin Legal, our skilled domestic violence attorneys can help parents and their children achieve the peace and safety they deserve. We also provide a number of child custody-related services such as establishing paternity or seeking permission for relocation if a parent wants to move with the children during or after a divorce. We are trusted throughout California for our ability to understand and secure our clients’ needs.