Each generation has its own unique interpretation of marriage, family and divorce. The Baby Boomer generation, born 1946 to 1964, postponed getting married, postponed having kids and had fewer of them. Where their parents mostly stayed married until death they did part, Boomers embraced divorce, became divorced in greater numbers, and divorced later in life than previous generations. Gray Divorce describes the phenomenon of the large number of Boomers getting divorced in their 50s, 60s, 70s and 80s. And probably into their 90s, too.
Amy Laughlin, Founder and Partner of Laughlin Legal Divorce and Family Law Group in Silicon Valley, has a special fondness for these clients who are more likely to bring perspective to the table. Here are excerpts from a recent conversation with Ms. Laughlin on the subject of Gray Divorce.
Q. Is divorce after your 50s and 60s on the rise?
AMY LAUGHLIN Divorce after your 50s and 60s is definitely on the rise. These couples are a delight to work with. They typically came into the marriage with nothing, have been married for 30 to 40 years, and everything they made is community property. It’s all divided down the middle. And often both spouses are just happy to get out. Sometimes they’ve overstayed their marriage, but more often than not, they’ve reached a point where they’re retired, their children are grown, and they’re excited about the next phase.
Best of all, there’s often nothing to fight about. Everyone’s ready to downsize, they don’t have to negotiate paying for college or for custody, so there are seldom any big issues. It’s not about the family; they’re ready to take some ‘me time’. The kids are often happy and relieved, too. They see two people who they love who aren’t getting along like they used to, and they want happiness for them both.
Q. Are there common reasons for divorce after 50?
AMY LAUGHLIN Divorce after 50 often happens simply because the parents have a greater freedom of choice after the kids leave home. Either they go off to college or they move out to live on their own and the parents discover that the kids were the glue that held the marriage together. So when the kids transition to a life away from home, there’s often less of a reason for the parents to stay together when they no longer have common interests. So the parents’ focus shifts to another career, another home, another partner.
Another factor is couples are more likely to be able to afford to divorce in their 50s and 60s. And people change. One wants to travel the world and one wants to sit at home and knit, and it seems like the right time.
Q. Are there any significant differences between divorce after 50 and divorce after 60?
AMY LAUGHLIN Couples that divorce after 50 generally have a runway of 10 to 15 more years to work. So spousal support is still in place. They’re also more likely to want to keep the family home. And even though child support isn’t mandated after the age of 18, many still have kids in college, and that’s a significant expense.
Divorce after 60 tends to be less complicated. The couple is nearing retirement, the kids have graduated from college and are launched so there are no significant expenses for them. And since the court probably won’t order spousal support for a spouse who’s over the age of 65, spousal support tends not to be an issue especially if investment and retirement income is split equally, and nobody is working.
Q. What advice would you give as to how to prepare for a divorce in your 50s.
AMY LAUGHLIN First, the best way to prepare for a divorce at any age is to make yourself financially savvy, understand your retirement benefits, how much they are and how long they’ll last. Next, make sure you have access to all of your assets, and know where they are. Contact your broker, your financial and/or wealth manager, and your CPA. Have copies of all of your tax returns, have titles to your cars and deeds to your properties.
The biggest concerns for most couples divorcing in their 50s are making sure you can cover getting the kids through college and deciding whether you want to keep the family home.
Q. What advice would you give as to how to prepare for a divorce in your 60s.
AMY LAUGHLIN Again, make yourself financially savvy. And make sure you understand your retirement benefits, make sure you have access to all of your assets, and know where they are. Let your broker, your financial and/or wealth manager, and your CPA know you’re preparing for a divorce. And get copies of all of your tax returns, have titles to your car and deeds to your properties.
In addition, insurance benefits are often an issue for divorcing couples in their 60s. Once you get divorced, you can no longer carry the insurance benefits of your spouse. And medicare doesn’t kick in until 65. So you may need to plan to get coverage up until you qualify for medicare. Be thinking about that.
Q. What qualities should someone look for in a lawyer to help with ending a long-term marriage in divorce over 50?
AMY LAUGHLIN I find these are great divorces to mediate because the issues are very straightforward. So for the sake of efficiency, I think most couples over 50 should look for an attorney who’s also a certified mediator. These couples tend to anticipate the worst – “we’ve been married forever, this will be so complicated, we’ve got all these assets and properties and retirement funds…” And I’m so happy to let most of them know that, on the contrary, this will be really easy. SO straightforward.
Why? There are generally no issues of child support, child custody, everything’s community property, you’ve got money in the bank. For all of those reasons these are great cases to mediate. In fact, couples might not even have an issue to mediate! It happens. And when it does, you can go straight to drafting a Marital Settlement Agreement.
In fact, you may be able to take advantage of a new California law, Senate Bill 1427, which allows for a ‘joint petition for dissolution of marriage’. It provides a fast track way to get divorced or legally separated. SB 1427 calls for a whole new paradigm in terms of how most people think about dissolution because it’s fundamentally cooperative from the get go in that you file for divorce jointly the same way you file for marriage – as a couple. And it urges couples to resolve things up front, to hash out the terms of their settlement agreement early, and then file the paperwork.
For my firm, it’s a thrilling development. Though a traditional divorce doesn’t broach settlement until deep in the process, I’ve always told clients that regardless of their differences, it’s never too early to think about settlement and talk about settlement. So if couples can be fully transparent with their financials and reach an agreement on their date of marriage and separation, on spousal support, child custody and visitation, child support, how to divide assets and debts and a few other issues, they can save a great deal of time and money and set themselves up for a more amicable future.
Looking for a mediation and divorce lawyer to help you avoid litigation and achieve a better outcome?
Laughlin Legal Divorce & Family Law Group is a collection of some of the most skilled divorce attorneys and mediators in Silicon Valley. Laughlin Legal is trusted throughout California for their ability to skillfully help divorcing parties achieve a better outcome.
If you or someone you love is headed for a divorce, learn more about how the divorce services we offer can best represent you and your values. Call us now at 650.343.3486 to schedule a consultation with a Laughlin Legal divorce attorney. If you’d prefer, you can email us to set up your appointment. If we miss your call, we will respond promptly and call you back as soon as possible.
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