A conversation with a certified mediation lawyer for divorce.
Most of us have heard of mediation. It’s a legal strategy for resolving family law disputes by bringing in a mediator to work with both spouses and help them reach agreement on difficult issues.
What most of us don’t know however is that research shows that more than 70% of family law disputes that are mediated are successful. Successful in this context means the issue is resolved out of court.
Research also shows that when both spouses collaborate, which is to say they’re willing to negotiate and compromise, mediation is typically faster and less expensive than litigation. That’s a big win for a couple who wants to spare themselves the high cost of litigation.
Finally, research also shows that when couples succeed in resolving their dispute through mediation, ongoing conflict between them is less likely to occur. That’s a big win for both spouses but an even bigger win for the children they may have. Children are uniquely vulnerable to the stress and strife of their parents’ conflict. It’s a trauma that may be with them for the rest of their lives.
Amy Laughlin, Founder and Managing Partner of Laughlin Legal Divorce & Family Law Group in Silicon Valley, and a certified mediation lawyer for divorce, understands better than most attorneys what’s at stake for children whose parents are going through a divorce. In addition to more than a decade practicing divorce and family law, she’s the divorced and remarried mother of two sons. Helping couples resolve their disputes efficiently and with minimal drama is more than a job for Ms. Laughlin, it’s personal. Listen in as she shares her experience and knowledge on family law mediation.
What exactly is family law mediation? A certified mediation lawyer for divorce explains.
AMY LAUGHLIN: Family law mediation is when a neutral, third party – the mediator – comes in to help the married parties communicate effectively to resolve the issues that exist in their divorce and need to be resolved. So they won’t have side conversations with one party or the other. Every communication is directed to both parties, and they’ll only meet for mediation sessions if both parties are present.
If the mediator determines that both parties should not be in the same room together, the mediator will go back and forth from room to room. The mediator can express what they think a judge might do, or they can tell the parties what the law is in a particular area, but they cannot provide legal advice and they are not the attorney of record for either party. And they must demonstrate neutrality though it’s human for people to have an affinity for one position over another. When that happens, it’s incumbent upon the mediator to recuse themselves if they feel it’s getting in the way of their judgement and neutrality.
When do you recommend family law mediation and collaboration for resolving family law disputes?
AMY LAUGHLIN: “Almost always. With few exceptions, mediation should be the first place you start. There are 2 basic types. The first type, Facilitative Mediation, is the most common. The neutral mediator facilitates conversation and endeavors to guide the couple to a resolution without offering legal advice. The couples’ lawyers are not present. The second type of mediation is Lawyer-Assisted Mediation where, in addition to the mediator, the couples’ lawyers are also present and can offer legal advice to help move the couple toward a resolution.
In the best of circumstances, everyone would be in the same room, talking cooperatively, and getting things out on the table from the start.
There are so many issues in the dissolution of a marriage – child support, spousal support, division of assets, custody – I’ve found that if you talk about settlement right at the beginning, you learn where the parties stand, where they agree and where there’s conflict. Whether we’re going to need to litigate this dispute or negotiate, or sometimes bring in a mediator for one particular issue. That can be really helpful. Because you don’t need to mediate an entire dispute if you’re largely in agreement. And you don’t find that out without asking.
Very often, couples don’t know they’re largely in agreement until they’re deep into the case, months into the case, because nobody is asking the question. Some lawyers take a cookie cutter approach to divorce as if every single one is the same. Why not talk about what each party wants up front to see if you even need to do discovery and jump through all these expensive hoops? They’re not hiring me to do legal work, they’re hiring me to resolve their case. So why not start thinking about resolution from the get go? They might even be in complete agreement because in reality they do both want the same thing – a fair settlement. It happens more often than you would think.
So how does a couple get family law mediation started? The divorce mediation process explained.
AMY LAUGHLIN: It’s pretty straightforward. There are 3 very basic steps.
1. Both parties need to agree to collaborate, negotiate, compromise, and try mediation. Sincerely agreeing to all 4 of these actions is important if mediation is to be successful. Be honest with yourself as well as your partner and attorney.
2. Both parties agree on the choice of mediator. Couples can ask their attorneys for a referral or find a mediator on their own either at mediate.com or through a professional organization like the Academy of Professional Family Mediators.
3. The mediator schedules a first session and mediation begins.
Do you offer legal advice for family law mediation?
AMY LAUGHLIN: No. A mediator cannot give legal advice during mediation because their job is to be a neutral third party, not an advocate for either party. They can tell you what the law is but they can’t advise you.
As an experienced mediation lawyer for divorce, who do you think is not a good candidate for family law mediation and collaboration?
AMY LAUGHLIN: Good question. There are a few situations where mediation and collaboration probably wouldn’t be productive. For example, whenever there’s a real imbalance of power in the relationship that’s expressed through abuse. Abuse, in any form, whether physical, emotional, verbal, any kind of aggression is counter-productive. I had to get out of a mediation once because one spouse was so abusive, the other couldn’t be in the same room.
Another form of imbalance of power is when one party has no knowledge of or insight into the couple’s financials, and their partner is trying to hide and manipulate assets or debts.
Another situation that could disqualify a couple for mediation is a spouse who has concerns about whether their partner is making a full disclosure of assets. Clearly not a great candidate for mediation.
Do you have a mediation lawyer for divorce at your firm?
AMY LAUGHLIN: At Laughlin Legal, we’re fortunate to have two, myself and Chris Norris. We’re both experienced and passionate mediators.
Looking for a mediation lawyer for divorce to help you avoid litigation and achieve a better outcome?
Laughlin Legal Divorce & Family Law Group is a collection of some of the most skilled divorce attorneys and mediators in Silicon Valley. Laughlin Legal is trusted throughout California for their ability to skillfully help divorcing parties achieve a better outcome.
If you or someone you love is headed for a divorce, learn more about how the divorce services we offer can best represent you and your values. Call us now at 650.343.3486 to schedule a consultation with a Laughlin Legal divorce attorney. If you’d prefer, you can email us to set up your appointment. If we miss your call, we will respond promptly and call you back as soon as possible.
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