What you may be wondering…
Just as our planet, our world and our politics are constantly changing, so, too are our demographics. There was a time when unmarried parents and child custody were seldom paired in the same sentence. But since the late 1990s, the number of children born to and living with unmarried parents in America has doubled. Why is that?
It’s the simultaneity of a drop in marriage rates and a rise in the cost of living, especially food, energy, and housing. Though both of those phenomena have been experienced around the world, not every country has seen a rise in unmarried parents cohabitating with children quite like ours.
It has been estimated that though approximately 40% of American births occur outside of marriage, just 5 to 7% of all children live with two unmarried parents. Some hope that percentage will continue to rise since psychologists report that children living with two parents tend to do better in school, have lower rates of depression, are less likely to get involved in crime, and more likely to get a better education. Though it’s not known exactly why, psychologists believe it’s living in a committed, stable and low-conflict environment.
Robert Rathmell, Partner and Child Custody lawyer at Laughlin Legal Divorce & Family Law Group in Silicon Valley, has worked with many unmarried cohabitating parents. His answers below are to some of their most common questions.
Q) Are the rules for unmarried parents and custody the same as for married parents?
Yes. When you’re a parent, your responsibilities aren’t changed simply by being an unmarried parent. Your commitment is to the child either way.
Q) How have cases involving unmarried parents and child custody changed?
Thankfully the stigma around having children out of marriage has lessened. Until recently, courts did not place actions involving unwed parents in the pubic record, and now, they are filed publicly along with all other family law matters. Our notion of what constitutes a family has become more inclusive.
Q) Is there anything particularly complicated about child custody for unmarried parents?
Parenting in nonmarital relationships can raise different issues. For example, in some cases, determining parentage. In other cases, working out property ownership issues without the certainty of community property law.
Q) Who decides who gets binding legal custody for unmarried parents?
More than the parents are involved in this process. It includes the court and social services. Parents can take control of their own family planning through agreements, but if there’s no agreement, the court is involved and it will make decisions.
Q) What are the custody rights of unmarried fathers? How about the custody rights of unmarried mothers?
Under California law, the custody rights of unmarried fathers and mothers are absolutely equal. It’s all about whatever is best for your child.
Q) Is it difficult to arrive at custody agreements for unmarried parents?
In some cases, yes, it can be very difficult. Then again, custody agreements can be difficult whether you’re married or not.
Q) Who gets custody if the parents are not married?
It is the policy of the state of California that the child have frequent and continuing contact with both parents assuming they have a relatively low-conflict relationship, and there are no problems with neglect, abuse, substance, abuse, etc.
Q) What advice would you give to an unmarried cohabitating couple with children?
Forget about the legal distinctions and focus on the reality of being a parent. If your priority is the best interest of your children and you’re willing to make some changes to safeguard that, then you’re headed in the right direction.
Q) Can you help me figure out how to get custody as an unmarried parent?
Yes. Come see me. We’ll talk about how to plan for this and how to most effectively engage with the other parent and with the court.
Q) Is there a legal agreement for cohabitating couples with children who do not plan to get married?
Caitlin Ashton, a Partner, Child Custody lawyer, and the premier cohabitation agreement drafter at Laughlin Legal, responds…
A cohabitation agreement can delineate the allocation of costs and responsibilities for a shared life and shared parenting outside of marriage. It can offer some assurance and some security that benefits unmarried couples that want to live together with their children.
Wondering how to get custody as an unmarried parent? Let’s talk.
Laughlin Legal Divorce & Family Law Group is a collection of some of the most skilled child custody attorneys and mediators in Silicon Valley. Laughlin Legal attorneys are trusted throughout California for their ability to skillfully help parties achieve a better outcome.
If you or someone you love is headed for a child custody dispute, learn more about how the services we offer can best represent you and your values. Call us now at 650.343.3486 to schedule a consultation with a Laughlin Legal attorney. If you’d prefer, you can email us to set up your appointment. If we miss your call, we will respond promptly and call you back as soon as possible.
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