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Establishing boundaries after your divorce

Getting divorced can put you in a vulnerable position as you grapple with reality and work toward regaining your independence. Protecting yourself during your recovery and establishing boundaries can facilitate your personal growth and your long-term success.

Boundaries play a crucial role in giving you space to heal. Rebuilding or resetting boundaries when your marriage may have destroyed them in the past will take time and commitment and will require you to evaluate your needs.

Boundaries or barriers

You may think that your boundaries still exist until you begin to distance yourself from your spouse and realize that they did not, in fact, exist at all. Especially during an unhealthy relationship, your boundaries may disintegrate until all that remains is a barrier in its place. According to Psychology Today, signs of unhealthy boundaries include the following:

  • Passively accepting mistreatment
  • Contributing with no reciprocation
  • Constant guilt

Healthy boundaries, on the other hand, allow you to be your best self without compromising the relationships that you find important. This is because the people in those relationships recognize and respect your need for personal space and protection. They behave in ways to facilitate your independence and to support your personal growth.

Prioritize personal needs

One of the best ways to rebuild boundaries is to prioritize your personal needs above anything else. Develop a strong self-care routine. Get enough rest each night. Eat a balanced diet and drink plenty of water. Socialize and know when to say no. Trust in your capabilities. Remember that your emotions are just as important and valid as anyone else’s. This process of personal growth and self-respect may require the help of a therapist to help you work through past trauma and learn the value of self-care.